Thoughts From A Shadowed Room

Wow. Yes, it’s been a very long time since I have written anything here. But, don’t think that means I haven’t been writing in other, more personal, less visible places. I have kept a journal almost my entire life. I have so many notebooks and small journals full of writings that you would think I would never run out of things to post publicly.

Strangely, I have a dilemma about posting, which is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. My dilemma is that I am shy about making my personal thoughts public. At the same time, I realize that there are some out there who might benefit from the things that ramble through my head. Also, it helps me to write things down where I can get some kind of feedback, see what others might think, or read about how some might think I am full of …well… you know. I wanted to publish my thoughts to help toughen my ‘skin’. For there are other reasons, too, you see.

I have written over two dozen short stories. I have penned at least two novellas and countless poems and prose. And, in order to gain some insightful feedback, I decided to start this blog. Some of the writings are Fiction, even Science Fiction. Some are of a Pagan and Witchcraft nature. Some are erotica and some are just plain, down-to-earth stories. So, to find out what ‘a general public’ might like or not, I wanted to make these things, all of them, not just the Fiction, public. So many reasons for doing a simple thing.

Here is where I laugh at myself. It is not such a simple thing when it comes down to pushing that ‘enter’ key. All of those voices that tell me how stupid, how hollow or how mundane and lifeless an entry is start clamoring in my head. They ridicule me long before any one else gets the chance. And I start to crumble, my resolve to DO THIS thing turns to mush. My finger wavers. And suddenly…

…I am that little girl on the playground who is surrounded by wicked, jeering children who push me and pull my hair and call me ugly and stupid. They punch me in the stomach and push me to the ground and throw my books in the gutter. And I cry because I feel so helpless. In a flash it all happens again. I see a minor case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the making. But, then I think to myself, “What could this current public to do me that has not already been done by those mean school mates?”

The answer, of course, is ‘Nothing’.

I guess that I am just telling you all that what I have to say is just as important as what any one else might say on any given topic or what any one else might write for any purpose, whether to entertain or to educate. No, I don’t have a very ‘thick skin’. But, don’t let that stop you from saying what ever it is that you want to say about any blog post I might create. I don’t have to publish it if I don’t want to (that’s one of the great things about blogging).  If you say what is on your mind, I might learn a thing or two. So might you.

I guess what I am just saying here is that there is so much more I could fill these pages with. And, I just might do it, a little at a time. I can be twisted and deviant. I can be poetic and magical. I can be troublesome. I can be agreeable. My writing, just like my psyche, has many facets. We are, each of us, a bright jewel of information, entertainment and nonsense.

Things will follow. I may not write for weeks. But, hopefully, that does not mean I will lose readers of this blog because, make no mistake, I plan to knock your socks off at some point in time. After much editing and re-writing in some cases. But, someday.

And I EXPECT some kind of comment, feedback, reply, criticism or rating.

Happy Holidays to all.  And to all a good write!

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2 thoughts on “Thoughts From A Shadowed Room

  1. Mark says:

    I just want you to know how proud of you I am! You are my hero, because you have sought out to do what most people refuse…you are actively confronting your fears and refusing to let them dictate how and when you act. There are many reasons why I love you, and this is one of the major ones! I hope you always continue to face, and thereby, conquer your “demons”…no matter how big, or how small!

    • You have no idea how much this comment means to me. And how much it humbles me. Thank you for your words, my Love. They give me strength and help me realize that I am going in the right direction, I am on the right Path as far as writing this blog is concerned.
      I love you.
      (The first comment I wrote was lost in the never-land of cyber space. But, this comment, although different than the first, is a more eloquent and a more to-the-point reply)

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