The Call of the Goddess
One of the things that is important to every Pagan and Witch is knowing which Goddess or God they resonate with, the ONE that they can say is their Matron / Patron. It can be an easy thing to discover or a difficult thing to discover, depending on each person and their Path and characteristics. If you a are stubborn person (like me), it can be a more difficult thing to discover and to hear the name of the Goddess who calls you. If you are a more easy-going person, it may be just a matter of waking up one morning and knowing. I think, once a Spiritual Student reaches a certain point in their Path, they have a need, not just a desire, to know the face of the Goddess who would claim them.
The Call is different for each of us. Yet, the result is the same or very similar. By the Call, I mean that event in a witch’s life when she is called by an aspect of the Goddess to become Her daughter. From then on, that Goddess is your matron Goddess, your Mother. And it doesn’t have to be the Goddess; it could be an aspect of the God. I can’t tell you what it will be like for you. All I can do it tell you the story of how it happened for me.
When my Call first happened, I was very young and stubborn. I heard the call of the crows every day and, even though I knew it was significant, my preconceived notions about the bird itself blocked my way. I thought that they were ugly, ungraceful and disgusting because they were carrion eaters. I found their calls every morning to be annoying. Yet, every morning, their symphony of sounds would pierce my awareness. All I had to do was open the door to step outside. There they were, perched on the power poles and electrical wires and in the trees by the dozens. Yes, they would have been there anyway. But, it was because I noticed them that I should have paid more attention and tried to figure out why I was noticing them.
I did not research. I was pointedly ignoring them. I would not realize then that they were the voice of the Goddess who had claimed me. Apparently, I needed to be shaped in many ways still. And that is what happened.
Soon after that point in my life, I became involved in a coven. During one of our rituals, I had a vision in which I saw and heard many Ravens / Crows. They were flying all around the image of a Goddess that I took to be Morgan le Fay (because I was currently reading a book about her). At that time, I did not know enough to realize that it was not Morgan le Fay but The Morrigan who was speaking up and getting my attention. I tried to put the two together and it could not be done. So many things just did not equal out. The Morgan le Fay personification did not even feel the same as The Morrigan did. And, honestly, The Morrigan scared me…to my bones. So, I left it alone and did nothing to educate myself.
It wasn’t until I began to dream that I had the beginnings of a suspicion about what was going on. This is the dream that made me start to pay attention:
I was with others in a building that looked, from the outside, like an old convent. The walls were bare stone and the floors were hard. There wasn’t much in each room but a bed. On the lower floor everything was very loud, aesthetically, and richly decorated. There were game tables and people were gambling. This building was in the middle of the forest. I noticed that I had packed enough for 5 days, though I was only to be there for two.
I had a friend who was very ill and could not get up from bed. I knew I had to get something from the forest to heal her. So, I sneaked out. I went into the forest barefoot and I really did not know what I needed or what to look for. I knelt on the ground and pleaded with the Goddess to show me and I knew She would.
The rising sun was bright as I looked up into a tree and saw a very large crow. Somehow, I communicated to her the fact that I needed to heal someone and desperately needed help.
The bird took flight and when she streaked off, looked like a tiny, half-formed woman flying with her hair streaming back. I had a difficult time keeping up with her and finally she stopped and settled on a table which had on it a squeeze bottle with oil in it and a very large glass vial or jar with a ‘CrystalCave’ label on it.
I think the word ‘protection’ was written on it.
I looked up at the bird and said, “Thank you, Mother”.
I took those things and was going back to the building when I got woke up.” (The Crystal Cave was an occult shop I used to visit in Claremont, California. It isn’t there anymore.)
Because I have always dreamed very vividly and could remember much of my dreams, I wrote this one down, since it applied very closely to what was going on in my life. But, still, I was not ready to give myself to the Goddess as The Morrigan. I was afraid. Apparently, I needed more shaping and honing…and that is what happened. It was not easy and it was painful in many ways. It almost finished me.
The turning point for me was more than five years ago. I was living several miles outside Show Low, Arizona, on a piece of land through which The Wild would make itself known everyday. When I first moved there, nearly eleven years ago, I was apprehensive about wandering around alone or staying outside by myself. But, as time passed, I became more familiar with the energy, with the animals and with the Path. I began to realize that the Goddess and God were in everything. I began to see the Crows as part of this system. When a small animal or rodent died, I would toss it over the fence onto the state land where the Crows would gather to feast. I watched and learned that they, just like any other animal, and just like me, had a great and important part in the chain of Life, in the circle of life, death and rebirth. They were the ushers of some part of the life of those small animals into an afterlife of some sort.
I began to study Crow / Raven, their powers and associations and found that they were directly connected to The Morrigan. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.
It was during this time that the Call increased from a murmur to a full-on screech, working its way into every part of my life. I heard it in my dreams, which became tumultuous. I saw Her in life, everywhere. It seemed that everything I looked at made me think of Her, The Morrigan. She spoke within my paintings and within my drawings. It began to wear on me until…one full moon, when I decided to do my own dedication ritual….
During this ritual, I held out my hands, open as if to receive what ever it was the Goddess was going to pour out on me. I spoke the words, “Mother Morrigan, I am ready. I dedicate myself to You.” That was all it took for things to start happening. And happen they did.
Within 3 months I broke up with the person I thought I would spend my whole life with. I moved in a hurry. Then, I was living alone in a trailer on the edge of Show Low canyon. My mother died suddenly one day, soon after that, but I was not to be able to go to her memorial, in spite of the fact that I was there for the first few days while she was in the hospital. Shortly after, I moved away from my mountain (The White Mountains and the Mogollon Rim) to live in the city, where I am needed to do Her work. I had to give up so much. And if I hadn’t known it was all part of the plan of The Morrigan to make me stronger and ‘hone’ me as Hers, I would never have come through it. I would have buckled like a dry tree in a wind storm. It was only because I could feel Her strength pouring through me and that I knew there was a reason, a purpose for me, that I could stand straight, dry my tears and take up my sword and shield.
The Morrigan called me. At first I ignored that Call. But, when I was ready, I asked for Her to take me, as She had wanted to for so long. Now, I walk this Path. It is not as easy road. I have my fair share of tests, even to this day and I probably always will. I accept that and carry my sword and shield always (and not for unwarranted attack).
But, The Great Queen is with me. I can feel Her in so many ways. Even when my strength wanes, She is there with me, holding me up. Her wings protect me when I have to go out alone at night. I see Her in meditation and visions. I hear Her voice. In fact, the Raven’s call woke me up from sleep one day this week; three calls to stir me from my dreams. And, when I need to pay attention to something, She is there to smack me in the head with that spiritual two-by-four. Believe me; it has happened more than once. I can be a stubborn woman.
For you, out there, who are looking for your Matron or Patron Goddess or God I say this; look around you. What do you see? What things are standing out to you? What is your life like and in what direction do you feel you are headed? A clue could be there. Meditate on these things.
What animals have come to you? Even if it is a mouse, do not dismiss it as some small and trivial animal totem. Research it. Ponder and meditate on it. You will know if it is a messenger or a helper. Close your eyes and sit in silence and listen to what is around you. Sometimes, we have to be very quiet to hear what is being said to us. Talk to those who have had this experience before you. Not all advice will apply to you. But, as with other things that are important to your heart and soul, you will know those things which do.
If you are waiting for the Call, it will happen when it should. Don’t rush it. The Goddess will touch you and claim you in Her time. And you can rest easy in the knowledge that it will be when you are ready and not a moment sooner.