A Little Time Away.

Well, I thought it would only be a little time away. As it turns out, my computer (the desktop PC with all of my really important stuff on it and an actual keyboard as opposed to a tiny digital one) won’t access this website for posts. I can read my own blog and other people’s as well. But, creating an entry from that computer? Impossible.

I attribute it to the fact that the PC is about sixteen years old and has a Windows XP platform. Sadly, Microsoft no longer updates XP.

Also, my Toshiba crashed, yet again, months ago. There really is no hope for it this time.

So, I write to you now from a tiny little temperamental tablet. We’ll see where things go from here. Hopefully, before too long, I will be able to purchase some kind of reliable computer. Until that time, you can expect short boring posts. For that, I apologize.

A New Old Skill

As I get older and my body protests more to the things that I liked to do when I was younger, I am finding the necessity to learn how to do more of the things that don’t require great physical exertion. As much as I am loathe the admit it, I am getting old. I am not ancient, not by a long-shot. But, neither am I of the age where digging a hole in the yard for a garden can go without real side effects.

A few years ago, I discovered the art of Pyrograhpy. And, even though Google Chrome does not like the spelling of that word, it is a legitimate form of creating pictures, symbols, etc. A more common way of writing it would be ‘wood burning’. When I started, I was using my inexpensive wood burning tool, the kind that can be found at many Art supply stores and even some ‘super-stores’ all around the area in which we live.  It was a way to create my art on a surface or object that might be useful, more than just pretty. An example is a Tarot box with designs or magickal symbols burned into it: pretty and functional.

Then I discovered that there were complete kits for wood burning that had all kinds of tips and more than one pen. Heck, these units even had a button to control the level of heat used! Neat!

So, I managed to make enough money with sales from my humble online (and sometimes real-time) store to buy myself a kit with two pens and all the trimmings!  I was, and am, very excited. I had been creating some beautiful things with the simple, primitive wood burning tool. Now, I have the capability to create some very detailed and stunning work. It’s just going to take some practice to get used to the new ‘toy’ because of all the bells and whistles. But, a little each day, small steps at first. I have to walk before I can run, right?

In the meantime, I am going to leave you with some examples of my work using the simple tool. These are Spirit Boards, made from raw sheets of plywood, shaped, burned and stained by me.

ENJOY!

Celtic Spirit Board

BOARD TREE

On Papaver Somniferum, and More

As a student of the Craft with an interest in The Poison Path, I came upon this wonderful sentence that I thought might be as thought provoking for others as it was for me. I found it in the section called “Euphorica” in a newly acquired book. It was of great interest to me because I dream so very vividly, every night and have for many, many years.

“Euphoria is a middle child, born between consciousness and sleep”

Dale Pendell “Pharmako / Poeia: Power Plants, Poisons & Herbcraft”

Random thoughts and wordy meanderings welcome.

Thoughts From A Shadowed Room

Wow. Yes, it’s been a very long time since I have written anything here. But, don’t think that means I haven’t been writing in other, more personal, less visible places. I have kept a journal almost my entire life. I have so many notebooks and small journals full of writings that you would think I would never run out of things to post publicly.

Strangely, I have a dilemma about posting, which is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. My dilemma is that I am shy about making my personal thoughts public. At the same time, I realize that there are some out there who might benefit from the things that ramble through my head. Also, it helps me to write things down where I can get some kind of feedback, see what others might think, or read about how some might think I am full of …well… you know. I wanted to publish my thoughts to help toughen my ‘skin’. For there are other reasons, too, you see.

I have written over two dozen short stories. I have penned at least two novellas and countless poems and prose. And, in order to gain some insightful feedback, I decided to start this blog. Some of the writings are Fiction, even Science Fiction. Some are of a Pagan and Witchcraft nature. Some are erotica and some are just plain, down-to-earth stories. So, to find out what ‘a general public’ might like or not, I wanted to make these things, all of them, not just the Fiction, public. So many reasons for doing a simple thing.

Here is where I laugh at myself. It is not such a simple thing when it comes down to pushing that ‘enter’ key. All of those voices that tell me how stupid, how hollow or how mundane and lifeless an entry is start clamoring in my head. They ridicule me long before any one else gets the chance. And I start to crumble, my resolve to DO THIS thing turns to mush. My finger wavers. And suddenly…

…I am that little girl on the playground who is surrounded by wicked, jeering children who push me and pull my hair and call me ugly and stupid. They punch me in the stomach and push me to the ground and throw my books in the gutter. And I cry because I feel so helpless. In a flash it all happens again. I see a minor case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the making. But, then I think to myself, “What could this current public to do me that has not already been done by those mean school mates?”

The answer, of course, is ‘Nothing’.

I guess that I am just telling you all that what I have to say is just as important as what any one else might say on any given topic or what any one else might write for any purpose, whether to entertain or to educate. No, I don’t have a very ‘thick skin’. But, don’t let that stop you from saying what ever it is that you want to say about any blog post I might create. I don’t have to publish it if I don’t want to (that’s one of the great things about blogging).  If you say what is on your mind, I might learn a thing or two. So might you.

I guess what I am just saying here is that there is so much more I could fill these pages with. And, I just might do it, a little at a time. I can be twisted and deviant. I can be poetic and magical. I can be troublesome. I can be agreeable. My writing, just like my psyche, has many facets. We are, each of us, a bright jewel of information, entertainment and nonsense.

Things will follow. I may not write for weeks. But, hopefully, that does not mean I will lose readers of this blog because, make no mistake, I plan to knock your socks off at some point in time. After much editing and re-writing in some cases. But, someday.

And I EXPECT some kind of comment, feedback, reply, criticism or rating.

Happy Holidays to all.  And to all a good write!

The Call of the Goddess

The Call of the Goddess

             One of the things that is important to every Pagan and Witch is knowing which Goddess or God they resonate with, the ONE that they can say is their Matron / Patron. It can be an easy thing to discover or a difficult thing to discover, depending on each person and their Path and characteristics. If you a are stubborn person (like me), it can be a more difficult thing to discover and to hear the name of the Goddess who calls you. If you are a more easy-going person, it may be just a matter of waking up one morning and knowing. I think, once a Spiritual Student reaches a certain point in their Path, they have a need, not just a desire, to know the face of the Goddess who would claim them.

 The Call is different for each of us. Yet, the result is the same or very similar. By the Call, I mean that event in a witch’s life when she is called by an aspect of the Goddess to become Her daughter. From then on, that Goddess is your matron Goddess, your Mother. And it doesn’t have to be the Goddess; it could be an aspect of the God. I can’t tell you what it will be like for you. All I can do it tell you the story of how it happened for me.  

            When my Call first happened, I was very young and stubborn. I heard the call of the crows every day and, even though I knew it was significant, my preconceived notions about the bird itself blocked my way. I thought that they were ugly, ungraceful and disgusting because they were carrion eaters. I found their calls every morning to be annoying. Yet, every morning, their symphony of sounds would pierce my awareness. All I had to do was open the door to step outside. There they were, perched on the power poles and electrical wires and in the trees by the dozens. Yes, they would have been there anyway. But, it was because I noticed them that I should have paid more attention and tried to figure out why I was noticing them.

            I did not research. I was pointedly ignoring them. I would not realize then that they were the voice of the Goddess who had claimed me. Apparently, I needed to be shaped in many ways still. And that is what happened.

            Soon after that point in my life, I became involved in a coven. During one of our rituals, I had a vision in which I saw and heard many Ravens / Crows. They were flying all around the image of a Goddess that I took to be Morgan le Fay (because I was currently reading a book about her). At that time, I did not know enough to realize that it was not Morgan le Fay but The Morrigan who was speaking up and getting my attention. I tried to put the two together and it could not be done. So many things just did not equal out. The Morgan le Fay personification did not even feel the same as The Morrigan did. And, honestly, The Morrigan scared me…to my bones. So, I left it alone and did nothing to educate myself.

            It wasn’t until I began to dream that I had the beginnings of a suspicion about what was going on. This is the dream that made me start to pay attention:

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                       I was with others in a building that looked, from the outside, like an old convent. The walls were bare stone and the floors were hard. There wasn’t much in each room but a bed. On the lower floor everything was very loud, aesthetically, and richly decorated. There were game tables and people were gambling.  This building was in the middle of the forest.  I noticed that I had packed enough for 5 days, though I was only to be there for two.

I had a friend who was very ill and could not get up from bed. I knew I had to get something from the forest to heal her.  So, I sneaked out. I went into the forest barefoot and I really did not know what I needed or what to look for. I knelt on the ground and pleaded with the Goddess to show me and I knew She would. 

The rising sun was bright as I looked up into a tree and saw a very large crow.  Somehow, I communicated to her the fact that I needed to heal someone and desperately needed help.

The bird took flight and when she streaked off, looked like a tiny, half-formed woman flying with her hair streaming back.  I had a difficult time keeping up with her and finally she stopped and settled on a table which had on it a squeeze bottle with oil in it and a very large glass vial or jar with a ‘CrystalCave’ label on it.

I think the word ‘protection’ was written on it.

              I looked up at the bird and said, “Thank you, Mother”. 

            I took those things and was going back to the building when I got woke up.”   (The Crystal Cave was an occult shop I used to visit in Claremont, California. It isn’t there anymore.)

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             Because I have always dreamed very vividly and could remember much of my dreams, I wrote this one down, since it applied very closely to what was going on in my life. But, still, I was not ready to give myself to the Goddess as The Morrigan. I was afraid. Apparently, I needed more shaping and honing…and that is what happened. It was not easy and it was painful in many ways. It almost finished me. 

            The turning point for me was more than five years ago. I was living several miles outside Show Low, Arizona, on a piece of land through which The Wild would make itself known everyday. When I first moved there, nearly eleven years ago, I was apprehensive about wandering around alone or staying outside by myself. But, as time passed, I became more familiar with the energy, with the animals and with the Path. I began to realize that the Goddess and God were in everything. I began to see the Crows as part of this system. When a small animal or rodent died, I would toss it over the fence onto the state land where the Crows would gather to feast. I watched and learned that they, just like any other animal, and just like me, had a great and important part in the chain of Life, in the circle of life, death and rebirth. They were the ushers of some part of the life of those small animals into an afterlife of some sort.

            I began to study Crow / Raven, their powers and associations and found that they were directly connected to The Morrigan. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.

            It was during this time that the Call increased from a murmur to a full-on screech, working its way into every part of my life. I heard it in my dreams, which became tumultuous. I saw Her in life, everywhere. It seemed that everything I looked at made me think of Her, The Morrigan. She spoke within my paintings and within my drawings. It began to wear on me until…one full moon, when I decided to do my own dedication ritual….

            During this ritual, I held out my hands, open as if to receive what ever it was the Goddess was going to pour out on me. I spoke the words, “Mother Morrigan, I am ready. I dedicate myself to You.” That was all it took for things to start happening. And happen they did.

            Within 3 months I broke up with the person I thought I would spend my whole life with. I moved in a hurry. Then, I was living alone in a trailer on the edge of Show Low canyon. My mother died suddenly one day, soon after that, but I was not to be able to go to her memorial, in spite of the fact that I was there for the first few days while she was in the hospital. Shortly after, I moved away from my mountain (The White Mountains and the Mogollon Rim) to live in the city, where I am needed to do Her work. I had to give up so much. And if I hadn’t known it was all part of the plan of The Morrigan to make me stronger and ‘hone’ me as Hers, I would never have come through it. I would have buckled like a dry tree in a wind storm. It was only because I could feel Her strength pouring through me and that I knew there was a reason, a purpose for me, that I could stand straight, dry my tears and take up my sword and shield. 

            The Morrigan called me. At first I ignored that Call. But, when I was ready, I asked for Her to take me, as She had wanted to for so long. Now, I walk this Path. It is not as easy road. I have my fair share of tests, even to this day and I probably always will. I accept that and carry my sword and shield always (and not for unwarranted attack).

            But, The Great Queen is with me. I can feel Her in so many ways. Even when my strength wanes, She is there with me, holding me up. Her wings protect me when I have to go out alone at night. I see Her in meditation and visions. I hear Her voice. In fact, the Raven’s call woke me up from sleep one day this week; three calls to stir me from my dreams. And, when I need to pay attention to something, She is there to smack me in the head with that spiritual two-by-four. Believe me; it has happened more than once. I can be a stubborn woman. 

            For you, out there, who are looking for your Matron or Patron Goddess or God I say this; look around you. What do you see? What things are standing out to you? What is your life like and in what direction do you feel you are headed? A clue could be there. Meditate on these things.

          What animals have come to you? Even if it is a mouse, do not dismiss it as some small and trivial animal totem. Research it. Ponder and meditate on it. You will know if it is a messenger or a helper. Close your eyes and sit in silence and listen to what is around you. Sometimes, we have to be very quiet to hear what is being said to us. Talk to those who have had this experience before you. Not all advice will apply to you. But, as with other things that are important to your heart and soul, you will know those things which do.  

             If you are waiting for the Call, it will happen when it should. Don’t rush it. The Goddess will touch you and claim you in Her time. And you can rest easy in the knowledge that it will be when you are ready and not a moment sooner. 

To be or not to be…in a Coven

I thought that this entry was going to be about how people can lie and deceive, even those that you would never expect to. I was going to write about a coven experience of mine that made me want to return to solitary practice as a Witch and to not involve myself with any one else spiritually, to protect myself. The tears that came when it all settled in were a thing I thought I would never have to shed. But, I have and there is nothing that can be done about it.

 So, instead, I would like to write about what it is really like to be in a coven and give some advice on how to find one for yourself, from my point of view.

Yes, my view is limited; I am only one person. My view may be a little naïve because I have good expectations when I go into most situations. Everyone else who has ever been in a coven, down to the very last person, will have a different story because they each have a different point of view as to how they were (or are) affected by their own ‘coven experience’. I ask you, then, to take these writings as the picture as it is seen  from one Witch’s window. I see it from a slightly different angle than others might see it. I see it colored by my own pain or pride or frame of reference and I ask that you keep this in mind.

Also, before you form an opinion about how it is, I would also ask that you form an opinion about how it should be, at the best of times and how it could be at the worst of times and realize that the truth is somewhere in the middle (a little tribute to my wise husband).

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Covens are made up of people. As much as we would like to think that we can find a ‘soul mate’ or a best friend that is just like us within a coven, it simply isn’t possible, most of the time. It is important too keep in mind that everyone is different, be it a big or small difference. We each view the world through our own lens and, based on our own frame of reference, form opinions about the world. Covens have growing pains and stagnant periods.

Covens usually make up a set of rules to help govern how the coven members will deal with issues that come up and to protect each other and the coven as an entity. The goal of these rules is to try to cover every possible scenario and to provide a fair forum for hearing each issue and for dealing with each difficulty and for keeping certain things secret or out of public knowledge. Obviously, every possible scenario can not be covered in these rules because there are an infinite amount of them, literally. But, each coven tries to do the very best it can.

Covens sometimes appoint people to sit on a council and to act as the ‘wisdom’ of the coven, to act on behalf of the coven in any situation and to try to seek out the wisest and best course of action for any given issue and to stand by it. It takes strength and wisdom and patience.

Covens create sacred space together and work within this space to create clear avenues to goals and to spiritual growth. This sacred space is, ideally, entered into in love and trust. (On a side note; it is traditionally supposed to be ‘perfect’ love and trust. But, that ‘perfect’ is a concept that we use to try to bring our standards of love and trust up to the very best of our abilities. Our goal is perfect love and trust, yes. But, realizing that nothing is ever really perfect for everyone, all the time, we understand that it is something to work for. So, this perfect love and trust is something we speak to put ourselves in that frame of mind where we are worthy of perfect love and trust, as well as sending out our most perfect version of love and trust to those involved). 

Back to the topic of Sacred Space; it is a place between this world of form and the world of the unseen where our spiritual bodies rise to the surface, so to speak. Within this sphere of light and protection, we conjure, we affirm, we heal and chant and create change. Who knows, we may even lift ourselves out of one universe into a parallel universe to create the change we seek. We open ourselves to the Universe and the love that the Universe has to offer. We seek our own truth and growth.

Coven members teach each other and learn from each other, knowing that each member has a different base of knowledge that comes from our life experiences; our Journey. We realize that our journey of acquiring knowledge is ongoing, life-long, eternal. I believe that persons are involved in covens because their paths have been (or are) meant to cross and they have certain things to learn from each other and to teach.

Coven members care for each other. We drive each other to the store and help each other move or with homework. We lend a shoulder to cry on, if that is what’s needed. Or we stand up and confront those who we feel have wronged us, even if it is within the coven itself. But, we strive to do it from a place of love and of wisdom. This is also a part of teaching and learning.

Sometimes, things happen within a coven that hurt us. Those things are part of a learning process. They could be a lesson in learning not to ignore our ‘red flag’ that pops up when someone is not being honest or is telling us a fabrication. They could be a lesson in patience or in devotion. And, on occasion, they could be lessons in knowing when to stand up for yourself and not back down when you know something is wrong. None of these lessons is easy. But, no one I know of ever said this Path would be easy. On the contrary, I have been told repeatedly that this is a very difficult Path and my own experience confirms this.

So, what does one do?

Do you join any coven just because you were invited? I would council against that course of action.

Do you join because you are a good friend of a member? Again, be careful there, too.

Do you join after careful meditation and a process of listening to your inner voice and to the Goddess and God? Yes. This, more than any other course of action is, I believe, the wisest way to approach the inclusion, the joining.

Do we all use this course of action?

Nope.

When I joined my first coven, I had to fill out an application. It was a few pages long and asked some basic questions. I answered each the best that I could and took my time doing it. It was more important to me to be complete in my answers than to be included in the coven. I was more interested in representing myself correctly than in rushing to join the coven. Even though I was very young in terms of being on the Path, I did not want to join the coven just to join a coven. I knew that it would be wise to be honest. And it turned out that I was right because the experiences I had in that first coven were amazing, life-changing and set my feet upon the correct path for me. These events were my proof and validation that I was in the correct coven for me and taking my time to write the most honest answers that I could was the right thing to do because it was a way to show the rest of the coven who and what I was.

In places along the way since then, I intermittently forgot about letting things happen as they should. No, it is not my habit to do so. But, being on this spiritual journey for around thirty years sometimes has disadvantages. I forgot to look at things as if they were new to me, with the awe of a child. That connection to my inner child is a very important part in the choosing of a coven for me and I forgot to rely on that a time or two. This proved to be a disservice to myself.

I want to say to you now, dear reader, that I advise against rushing into being in a coven because you want to be included. Don’t jump in and forget to look at where you are and to ‘feel’ who you are with. Explore each person before the decision is made. If you have any ‘red flag’ issues or any misgivings, meditate upon them. Delve into WHY you have these feelings and really pay attention to the thoughts you have and the answers the Universe gives you. If you have good feelings, look inside your self and ask what these feelings are based on. Listen to your heart and your mind. Listen the voice of the Goddess when She speaks to you in your dreams and thoughts, in meditation or through another person.

Do not join a coven and think that nothing will ever go wrong just because you are involved with a group of spiritual people who also listen to and worship the Divine in the form of the Goddess and God; Things go wrong sometimes.

Just because you find a coven that is looking for members does not mean that it is the right coven for YOU. Be careful who you work with and lend your energy to; not everyone is who they seem to be on the surface.

 Protect yourself, be wise, be awake and aware. Don’t think for one minute that everyone is as good as you hope they are because the fact is that we are all human. Sometimes, we make mistakes and accidents happen. And, sadly, sometimes those who we trust are those who deceive us and we are led along under a cloak of deception and we fail to heed the warnings that our heart screams at us. Listen to those warnings!

 

You might do well to make a general checklist for yourself of things that you should look for that tell you what is right or wrong for YOU. Or you might have a mental list of things that you look for. Another way to feel things out is to employ the ‘red flag’ technique. By this, I mean that you should really listen to people when they talk and if you have ANY type of warning or any feeling in your heart or gut, that they are not saying the truth about even simple things, you should consider exploring whether they are truly honest in their dealings with others, spiritual or not.

Conduct an internet search to find out more about a person involved in a coven or the coven as a whole. If the person or group has been in the public eye (provided the coven has been around for a period of time) or have been involved with groups, there will be some kind of clues about how they operate, even if those clues are between the lines.

Ask others who know them, keeping in mind that everyone will have a slightly different experience with each given person or coven. That is only natural and just the way us humans do things. If anything comes up that gives you pause or makes your ‘red flag’ come out, then back away and really think about joining the group.

If others have previously been involved with the coven in question, go to them and ask them about their experiences within the coven. Again, keep in mind that their experiences are subjective. But, if there is more than one person, you should be able to get a more complete picture of the truth.

Lastly, please, please, DO NOT join a coven because you feel a pressing need to join because you think they are the only coven around. It is likely that they are not the only one around. They are probably simply just the only one you know about. It’s happened to me. Search around. Put out a psychic ‘Coven Call’ and state your wishes to the Universe. You could even write your coven requirements on a piece of paper and incorporate that into a magickal working to find the correct coven.

My point is to do the homework, before hand.

 

I hope that this blog entry has been enlightening. It is my hope that this is a help to at least one person. And, I hope that any person this blog entry does help will keep in mind that this is only my point of view, my story, my thoughts. Your decision is up to you, of course. My wish is for you to make an educated decision.

 

May the light and blessings of the Goddess be with you on your Path. 

STARVING ARTIST

 

Yes, I am an Artist.

 I have been inclined to create since I was very young. I grew up in a home where I was surrounded by creativity and the wonderful smell of turpentine and paint. Two of my four older brothers were artistic and the other two were more inclined to music. My two older sisters were both artistic. One obtained a degree to be an interior decorator and the other produced wonderful pieces of Art in high school (I am from a large family. There are eight of us siblings). My little sister, who is only 14 months younger than I, would draw the most adorable cartoon-like pictures in high school. As for me, I was into everything from crayons to clay and pencils.

I think I drew my first serious picture when I was about three. It was in crayon. It was of a horse and had those square hooves that kids always draw onto horses before they really see what they look like. The sky, however, covered the expanse of the page where the ground ended. It was not the small band of blue that lots of kids put into their crayon pictures, at the top, to represent the sky. I remember my teacher commenting on the way that I colored in the sky. I think I was nine at this time.

From there, things progressed. I learned to oil paint at about 13. My mother, who was an incredible artist, taught me and at 16 I produced a night-time, moonlit seascape that was so realistic, even I was surprised.

When I started college, my aspirations leaned more toward nutrition, since I had successfully lost over 70 pounds and kept it off. But, when I found Psychology, all of that changed. While I was taking, and passing each Psychology class with flying colors, I was working in a work-study program at the 2-year college I was attending. During this time, I would draw in class to help myself study. The act of drawing was therapeutic and relaxing and it helped me remember, as strange as it sounds.

My Art was noticed by many people, including the woman who was my boss and ran the bookstore where I worked for my work-study program. She asked me to draw a few pictures of what the bookstore might look like after some proposed improvements. I was paid for my work, a thing unheard of since I sold a unicorn bust to my Art teacher in high school (I was 14 at the time of the sale of that clay figure). She suggested that I change my major because I was wasting my talent.

A couple of years later, I did. By that time, I had moved and was attending a different 2-year college in Show Low, Arizona. The town is small, in comparison to the towns and cities that I had lived in for the first part of my life. Soon, many people knew me by name and people were recognizing my Art. I was fairly bursting with creativity and gratitude.

I began to sell my Art, paintings and drawings, and could now call myself a professional artist.

But, during all of this, I discovered why Artists frequently call themselves ‘starving Artists’.

In this world, which has continued to grow smaller right before my eyes from the time I was younger until now, there are so many truly talented people. So many of the Artists in this world have started out with money or have been able to attend schools of Art. So many live in places where they are near an Art community or where there are galleries and they can afford to display their Art (it isn’t free to hang your art at a gallery). And, then there are those who don’t come from a place of financial ease or from an Art school or who are not able to present their Art to the public through a gallery forum. I have found that those less fortunate people make up the majority of the people who are Artists (notice I did not say ‘those who call themselves Artists’).

These who have not been noticed, who do not have the money to attend a specialized Art school or who do not have the financial means to display their Art to the public still create their works, tucked into a corner of the kitchen or the garage or basement. We continue to paint or draw or assemble small parts of our souls in a form that everyone can see. We still give form to our dreamstates in whatever way suits us because we can do nothing other.

When I create, it is like therapy. I am able to say things, out loud, in the form of a work of Art, that I am not able to give voice to in any other way. I am giving my deepest thoughts a shape. I am creating a window into my soul, each canvas or paper a pane through which any person may look to see what goes on beneath the surface. It is a sublime, raging current of spirit that anyone can view.

I am often asked, “What is this? What does it mean?”

And I answer that my Art is what you see. It means whatever you want it to mean. I don’t define it to people because I want to hear what people see in my work. I learn from what others say. I learn what type of a frame of reference each person uses and take great pleasure in peeking into their soul, by way of their spoken word about what I have created. It is as if our dreams meet on the canvas of my painting.

When I paint or draw, I don’t do it to sell. I do it because, as a friend of mine once said, ‘I can’t NOT do it’. I paint or draw because it feeds my soul; it calms me and takes me to another place. I meditate while I am creating, as strange as that may seem, and commune with my Spirit Guides and the Goddess and God and my Muse. I hear the voices in the wind. I have one foot in my dreams and one foot in the waking world and I bring that dreaming part of my consciousness to life with color or with shadow and highlight.

I do not consider myself to be a ‘starving’ Artist, even though I do not often sell Art and could not pay my bills with the income from it. As contradictory as that sounds, it is true. You might wonder how I can see myself as anything but a ‘starving’ Artist, since I do not make a living at what I do the most and what I most love to do. I will tell you, in case you have not figured it out yet.

 

It is because, in my soul, I do not have an emptiness. There is no hole that I need to fill with….something…anything. I have this thing called Art that I use, that is a state of being in which I sometimes live. It makes me whole within myself. Creating Art, even if it is never seen by the world, makes me rich with color and image. It gives me a chance to speak without speaking and to sing without singing, to dance on the ether. Because of my Art and the ability to communicate with it, to paint my dreams and thoughts, I am complete. I do not hunger for an outlet or a venue in which to present myself to the world because even if the world does not see these pieces of my soul, I have still spoken and have fed that part of myself that must create.

 

I am not starving.